Saturday, October 30, 2010

Go ahead and be angry...


Ephesians 4:26-27 admonishes us to "Go ahead and be angry. You do well to be angry — but don't use your anger as fuel for revenge. And don't stay angry. Don't go to bed angry. Don't give the Devil that kind of foothold in your life." One of the greatest things we can do for ourselves is to understand the power & place of anger & forgiveness in our lives.

It can be especially difficult to walk away from relationships & friendships that turned out to be far less than we perceived them to be. Perception rooted in deception is a guaranteed set up for a let down. GUARANTEED. When we defer to our humanity instead of the God's wisdom, we often find ourselves in situations with the potential to break not only our heart, but our spirit as well.

For many of us, we've been taught to stifle our anger. I say it's time that we own up to it so that we can finally begin to sever our ties with the past and move forward into our future. Refusing to release what angers you is an acquiescence of your power to something or someone who has no true authority over your life.

One of the greatest gifts which we can receive is that of forgiveness. In allowing myself permission to be angry, I was able to gift myself with forgiveness. Raw and uncensored, I'm sharing that gift with you...

i'm angry
because i loved u
and u let me
i'm angry
because i didn't want to love u
and yet felt i had no choice
i'm angry
because i let myself love u
when simply liking u should have sufficed
i'm angry
because despite what i felt in my gut... i kept loving u
because in my heart it felt like i was supposed to
because every attempt to stop made me feel ill
because at some point in time u made me feel that u loved me, too
i'm angry
and i feel like a fool
and i feel like i've wasted time, money & energy
i'm angry
because i know that i wasn't foolish & that i wasted nothing
i'm angry because i want to blame u & i can't
i'm angry because i want u in my life but don't see how that is possible
i'm angry because i want to hate u but i can't
i'm angry because the tears won't come & i feel full
i'm angry
and i think u're an ass
and i think u're an idiot
and i think u don't deserve my love, my friendship or me
i'm angry because i don't know how to not love u
i'm angry because i'm hurt & don't want to be
i'm angry because i allowed this to happen... i did this to me
i'm angry because i don't know what lies ahead
i'm angry because i'm almost certain that i will have to leave u behind
i'm angry because i'm choosing to be
i'm angry because i know u will read this & thank me for sharing
i'm angry because i let u "one day" me too many times
i'm angry because one day is today & i no longer give a damn
i'm angry because i am
i'm angry because instead of listening to my head, i gave in to my heart
i'm angry because i don't know that i have it in me to go through loving someone anew
i'm angry because for the first time i'm not afraid to stand up for myself...
and u've forced me to stand up to u
i'm angry because it took so long for me to get to this point
i'm angry because i am the best & u deserve the best... the best for u... and that's not me
i'm angry because i now know that i deserve the best & that's not who u want to be
i'm angry & i'm tired
i'm tired of trying to analyze, explain, justify & understand
the why & what of who u r
...to myself
...to others
i'm tired from doing all of that & i'm angry it was ever necessary to do so
i'm angry
not mad
not pissed
not upset
I'M ANGRY
damn it
i'm angry
just
because
i
am

Don't allow anyone to make you feel ashamed or guilty for feeling what you feel. By the same token, don't allow your feelings/emotions to set up shop and hold you captive. To get where you want to be, you must first know where you are & understand how you came to be there. Use that understanding of your past to make peace with it in the present and begin your journey towards the future. The ONLY person standing in your way at this point is you. It's time to get out of your own way!

© 2010 Antoinette Dickson

2 comments:

  1. I totally agree with you on this. This piece speaks volumes. So many people hold anger in their hearts and they don't realize the ramifications that the anger has on their own personal well-being. It really affects who they are and the person they want to become. So I love how you say to voice your anger, but you have to learn to leave it behind and seek forgiveness. I feel that this forgiveness should not only be for the person that angered you, but also forgive yourself for allowing this anger to control you.

    - Nichole Hayes

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  2. ‎@Nichole: yes!!! forgiving ourselves is like loving ourselves. in order to do it completely & unconditionally, we must begin with ourselves. seeking to externally solve an internal issue is NOT going to work. regardless to what someone has... done to us in the past, WE chose to let it bother us. that makes it OUR problem with which to deal, not theirs. i'd rather be in the will go God than wandering around mad at the world & in a foul mood all the time. no one is worth that... NO ONE.

    "Love never gives up.
    Love cares more for others than for self.
    Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
    Love doesn't strut,
    Doesn't have a swelled head,
    Doesn't force itself on others,
    Isn't always "me first,"
    Doesn't fly off the handle,
    Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,
    Doesn't revel when others grovel,
    Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
    Puts up with anything,
    Trusts God always,
    Always looks for the best,
    Never looks back,
    But keeps going to the end.
    Love never dies."

    ~from I Corinthians 13 (The Message Bible)

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